I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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