i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
