White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
