Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
