what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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