I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
