recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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