Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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