whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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