even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
