We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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