my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
