Too much gin, very little bucket
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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