I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
