you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
