Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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