yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
