piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
