I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
