Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
