so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
