I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
