Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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