I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
