we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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