just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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