I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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