would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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