I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
