Redeem this text for a blowjob
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
