The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
