I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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