I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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