i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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