Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
