your thong is hanging out like whoa
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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