she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
