I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
