Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
