"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
