after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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