If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Come on in and take your pants off
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