They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
