So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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