Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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