my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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