FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
