You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
