I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
