If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
