Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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