Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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