Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just found a bag of teeth...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
