I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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