i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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