bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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