So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
