I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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