I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
