I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
