I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
