I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
