I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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