just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize