I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
