A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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