I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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