I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
